5 years ago I was 14kgs (30lbs) heavier than I am now. I was a heavy smoker, drinker and recreational drug user. I was lazy, unfit and existing on a diet of unhealthy junk food. I had a big wobbly belly and suffered from an unfortunate case of man boobs. I would go out and party for days on end, and would never be asleep before midnight during the week. I never exercised, was weak and generally just in pretty poor physical shape.
Along with the physical effects of my lifestyle, there was a significant impact on my mental well-being. I was lacking in self-confidence, and incredibly self conscious of my body. The worst part was that I was depressed. It wasn't an all-consuming soul crushing kind of depression. More like a constant, unhealthy feeling of sadness and discontent. I was disgusted at the state that I had allowed myself to sink to, but completely unable to find the motivation to fix the problem. Getting fit was an unattainable goal, and the other lifestyle changes that needed to come were just as far away.
I was staring down the barrel of a life spent being unhappy with my body image, and the health and well being issues that come along with that sort of toxic lifestyle.
So what changed?
I had known for a long time that something needed to change. When I tried to critically evaluate myself, I realised that I am an all of nothing type of guy. I need something to devote all of my efforts to, to focus on. I need a sense of achievement to drive me to a goal. Somewhere along the way I'd allowed apathy, laziness and a general malaise to take over. I made a conscious decision to change my life. And I did.
It sounds like a trite, oversimplification, but all it took was the mental decision to devote myself to improving my health (both physical and mental) and the rest is history.
I dragged my fat arse to a local boot camp class and can distinctly remember almost puking in the first session. I started riding my mountain bike to work. I started jogging, very slowly, a couple of times a week. I was lucky enough to find a good trainer who put me through high intensity, circuit sessions that burnt a lot of fat and began to rebuild my strength, and I fixed my diet. I ate healthily, ate less and started drinking a LOT of water.
I very quickly realised that I loved the way that exercise made me feel. I felt more comfortable with my body, the endorphins released during my workouts made me feel happy and the sense of achievement I'd feel at the end of a long day of work and exercise was something that I began to love. I had forgotten how great it can feel to sweat. To get outdoors and do a hard workout in the fresh air.
I quit smoking and drugs, began to sleep more (primarily because I was knackered after working out) and was amazed at how good I was feeling. My body felt strong and healthy, and I was happier, more productive and more generally in a much better mental state.
The first triathlon that i ever did (a corporate sprint distance race) was a revelation. I was immediately hooked and haven't stopped since.
The fitter I got, the more I wanted to explore and push my limits, trying to see how far or how fast I could make myself go. I found that I am mentally suited to the structured, obsessive routine of training that you need to be an endurance athlete. I like the early mornings and the long runs on the weekends. I enjoy the gym sessions and the hard bike rides in the pre-dawn cold.
A whole new world of marathons, Ironman, triathlon and trail running has opened up to me. A community of like minded, strong and focused people who love to push themselves and those around them to be better. People often ask me why I put myself through all of the pain and hardship. They don't understand why I like to train so hard or deprive myself of so many hours when I could be doing something else. I always say "Because I want to know what I'm capable of". I just want to know what I'm truly capable of. Our modern lives are so soft and cossetted, and I want to know where the line of physical and mental endurance is for me. How far can I push myself?
Over the last five years, I've completely transformed my life. I'm now strong, fit and healthy. I am happy, confident and content with the shape of my life. I have drastically reduced my chance of suffering heart disease, diabetes, stroke, osteo-perosis, and lung cancer. I'm a father and a husband and I feel like my training has given me the best possible chance of staying alive longer and living a healthier and happier life with my family.
I've realised that I need to balance my family, work and training effectively to keep everyone happy, but it's a good problem to have.
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